I always knew I would have a house full of kids but I never expected them to all be boys. There is something about being a mom of boys that is not for the faint of heart. Here are a few things I have learned from all 3 of my little guys.
1) Every room with furniture, no matter where it is, will become a playground. Boys love to jump, tumble, roll and kick and will always find ways to complete these tasks. Couches, chairs, tables, beds and any other type of furniture will not be spared in their quest to see just how fearless they can be. Couch pillows also don’t stand a chance since they will be used to stack as high as possible in order to sit or jump from the top. Yes, this usually begins with a warning face from “mom” and ends in bruised knees and elbows. Can’t say I didn’t warn them.
2) Brothers will love each other one minute and then be ripping each other’s hair out the next. You will always be asked to mediate in their fights after they have hit, kicked or spit at each other. Since most men I know don’t usually sit down and discuss their feelings, I can’t say I’m surprised by this. Therefore, at their young ages I find this a good sign that their connected with their inner man. However, Moms don’t worry, boys (like men) will spat and be best friends again in under 30 seconds flat. I know it’s freakishly incomprehensible to us women folk!
3) Moms are boys’ first and last example of what they should look for in a future partner. We should be teaching them what makes a good woman and what to look for when the time comes. We always talk about how women should hold men to a higher standard but it goes both ways. Men should expect more out of women as well. I’m not talking about looks but about character. Knowing my boys watch my every move I definitely have to remember to “lead by example ALWAYS.”
4) You will not have a clean bathroom until all boys’ have left the home. Boys pee EVERYWHERE. They leave their marks on the toilet, on the walls which then splatter to the bathtub and the counter. Even the yard can’t escape the golden shower since most boys will just drop ship and do their business right on the front lawn. I’m not even surprised anymore when I hear about my son peeing in public during a putt putt golf outing with my sister. (He is only 5 so was not arrested for public exposure). This also applies to toothpaste, mouthwash and food. For some reason you will find this stuff in all the places you would never imagine. The other day I found toothpaste all over my son’s ear. I checked to make sure he was not growing teeth in his ear canal and alas he was not. Even He had no explanation of how it got there.
5) Normal conversation will be replaced with poop and fart jokes once your boys are old enough to say a few words. All things poopy and stinky will provoke the biggest laughs and giggles out of your boys and likely your husband. In addition, this will test your ability to hold a straight face before busting up yourself. Don’t worry, after a few years your time will start to increase past 5 seconds.
6) Always have an endless supply of band-aides and neosporin. Boys will be bruised, scabbed, scratched and cut from head to toe on any given occasion. My boys look like they have been in the middle of a war zone for the better half of the last 4 years. From the moment they begin crawling they start to gush blood and scab up all over the place so be prepared. Also, if tragedy strikes mommy’s kisses always help do the trick as well.
7) Try not to go anywhere for too long that will require boys to sit still. Obviously, teaching them good habits is pertinent but don’t think you can hang out with your girlfriend at the local coffee house for an hour without some chaos. Boys are moving machines from the time they wake up until they go to sleep….and I’m pretty sure they even move in their sleep. They are balls of energy most days so invest in a good pair of sneakers, always keep a water bottle handy and find a good masseuse. Trust me ladies, you’ll need one.
8) As much as boys are obsessed with poop, fart, butts and their own boy parts they are equally obsessed with boobs. Once a boy figures out what those luscious lumps are that sit on their mommas chest they will find the word boob absolutely hilarious. They will also make up their own names for them….so don’t be surprised about what comes from their mouth. (Again, I think it’s in a man’s genes to name body parts….never gets old) Don’t even get me started on breastfeeding with boys around. Holy cannoli…..the questions they have and the stares you will get as you whip those puppies out to feed the baby. You’ll be explaining things about your boobs in the most hilarious of ways just to get them to stop being so curious…..wish I could say that works but it doesn’t.
9) Prepare to quadruple your food budget….long BEFORE they become teenagers….and then plan to quadruple it again once puberty hits. My 7 and 5 year old eat us out of house and home and Gavin is quickly following suit. I always expected them to be big eaters when they are 14 but not at 7 and 5. Although, they’ve pretty much been big eaters since they were evicted from the womb, so I shouldn’t be too surprised. Boys are born with a metabolism from the gods and one us women would literally die for. This makes for great figures, once they are old enough to care about such things, but also makes for a big grocery bill. Also, don’t make the mistake of thinking that if you serve them stuff on a smaller plate that that will trick their minds into being full. Oh no….this leads to meltdowns about how hungry they are and how “Mommy is starving us,” and “I’ll wither away into nothing.” (Yes, my kids actually say stuff like this). Trust me…..it’s not worth the dramatics. You will also learn to have an endless supply of snacks stocked at all times. When boys are done with lunch they will immediately want a snack and then ask when the next snack is and whats for dinner and then what’s for dessert and whats for bedtime snack. They are constantly thinking of food and constantly wanting to fill those cute little mouths. At least we don’t have to worry about them being overweight since all that energy burns off every last morsel before they hit the pillow.
10) You must have a knowledge of sports to survive a household of boys. For all you women who would rather squeeze lemon in your eyes than watch any type of sporting event……well prepare to have a lot of burning eyes. It’s almost impossible to live with boys and not hear about sports 24/7. Once they get old enough…..around 5….to somewhat understand a game and know a few players it will never end. I wake up every morning to the NFL network and find my 7 year old memorizing stats and names and giving me a complete update on everything football. Thankfully, I LOVE football so this has been fun for me….but if I didn’t I’d probably be drinking more wine and begging my girlfriends to come save me from all the madness. They will also not only watch the games but play them as well. My living room doubles as a football field and am constantly having to watch out for flying balls, tackles and in some instance flying boys as they run to the nearest end zone…a.k.a my bedroom door. I also get to work in a little of my girly side since I get to dress them up in their jerseys and paint black stripes under their eyes every Sunday. The woman of the house has to have a little bit of fun. The reward to actually being knowledgeable about a sport is that it does give me some great quality time and conversation with my boys and makes me a “cool mom” according to them.
11) It probably goes along with the sports but boys are very competitive. Even the sweetest of guys will turn into a fire breathing, trash talking little fiend when involved in some kind of activity that involves winning. There is nothing more important to little and big men than being able to prove their macho-ness. However, this does not mean they have to win at everything since that is obviously unrealistic in the real world. Therefore, feel free to have a little revenge since you do have to clean those yucky toilets and yummy surprises they leave all over the bathroom.
12) Boys are very protective. My little men may be fighting all the time but they are also protecting and watching over each other whenever they get a chance. This helps alleviate my worries since I don’t have 10 eyes and 8 hands and haven’t found the wand that will allow me to be everywhere at once. I can relax knowing that they are watching out for each other in any given situation. They will also be protective of their mommas as well which, now that I have 3, I feel like the safest person on the universe.
13) Boys LOVE their Mommas. You will be the light of his life until he gets enough hair to shave…..and then… well… they start to notice cheerleaders. However, there is nothing sweeter than my boys complementing me on my hair or nails or saying, “I have such a beautiful Mommy.” Awww melts my heart every time. I always show a lot of appreciation for those complements so hopefully they will always remember to say those to the women in their life.
14) Boys are the greatest creatures in the world. They give unconditional love and provide so much laughter. I am sooooo thankful that I get to have not one but 3 of these little gentlemen that although messy have completely stolen my heart.