I head back to work tomorrow and I wish I could say I was excited. I do miss my co-workers and I am very happy I get to see them tomorrow and individually thank them for all of their support, however, I am not looking forward to the exhaustion that is sure to come with it. I would have thought with some time off I would have had time to re-energize, re-coop and get some rest. Unfortunately that just didn’t happen. Between the funeral arrangements, the cleaning of my mother n laws house and then the cleaning of my own house it has taken up all of my time. My biggest concern is that I haven’t really even had time to grieve. I’m hoping it will all hit me in the privacy of my own home and not while I’m in the middle of a treatment session. I can only imagine the awkwardness of that. Eeek!!
The good side of going back to work is that it will force us to start this new life that we now have. This new life is tainted with grief, sadness and a really big hole but it has to begin at some point. We were handed this new life without asking for it and now we must try to wade through the rubble and make the best of it. We must scrape off the thorns that feel stuck into our flesh and move forward to happier days. I’m not sure how that’s done, and I doubt there is a manual out there explaining the steps. All I know is that I’m going to start with getting back on our routine and go from there. We could all use a little normalcy with or without understanding what the future holds.
I hope our future holds happiness, excitement and lots of joy. I hope we can heal and move forward from this in a dignified and joyful manner. I hope we can carry on her legacy in all that we do and share her with the world. Most of all, I hope we can build our life to honor her and keep her close to us every day that we get to wake up and live. The unknown is scary…..hanging in the balance is shaky…..and trying to figure out this new chapter is difficult. For the first time we have no real goal, no real vision and that can make me uneasy and unsettled. I hope with a little help from our new guardian angel we can have a really great new normal.