So I know many of you probably get sick of reading about my kids, dirty doo doo and our business antics…..but this is my life and being a mommy is a 24 hour job so naturally it is what I write about the most. I promise to try do other fun posts this year but for now this is what ya get. 🙂
Anyone with one child can relate to a chaotic life….however if you have three boys (or more) you can understand what it’s like to live in the middle of a circus. Now I don’t mean the circus where everything is quiet and still and the elephant is doing a very slow handstand….nope that seems calm. I’m talking about the part where the lights are flashing, the clowns are riding around in circles juggling god knows what, while acrobats are swinging and hanging from the air and all the animals are clawing, roaring and stomping around. Yup, that’s more accurate. I’m like the ringmaster who is trying desperately to breathe in that extremely tight corset, balance on my stilettos and talk about what is happening while keeping a smile on my face. Haha….like that’s going to happen.
Mornings have gotten better around here since we started letting the boys eat breakfast at school. It’s amazing how eliminating a meal really makes mornings pretty much stress free. Now I just lay out their clothes the night before and they are up and dressed before I even roll out of bed. Thankfully NFL network keeps them entertained. However, many mornings I do wake up to a violent shake followed by, “Mom, Mason is sitting on the bathroom floor in his underwear and is just holding his toothbrush. He refuses to get dressed and brush his teeth. Mom, it’s gross.” I usually barely register this and wake up to see a very stressed Logan standing over me. I usually think we have slept through our alarm (since his urgency would suggest the bus is in the driveway) only to find that it’s a mere 6:30 and the bus doesn’t arrive for another 1 1/2 hour. I then mutter, “Logan go watch NFL AM and leave Mason be. He is probably just pondering the wonders of the toothbrush.” All good mothers would say that right?! Once I get up I usually do find Mason with one pant leg on, his shirt on backwards, his teeth lightly grazed by the toothbrush and his backpack hanging from his head. Logan is always perfectly dressed with coat, gloves and hat on and even his backpack is on as he soaks in the analyzing of “deflate gate.” Needless to say it was much worse when we were doing breakfast here…..let me tell ya!
Once the older two are off, the days are chaotic in a different way. I have really become a good multitasker (even though all the research says this is impossible) (I say all of those researchers aren’t mothers). I’m sure I would make for some great daytime entertainment if there were cameras in this house. I am usually running from one floor to the next shipping an item and then checking on Gavin who is playing on the floor. This continues until my thighs are screaming in revolt. I then decide to punish them further by completing squats while feeding him baby food. I started this as a way to get in some extra exercise on days I don’t make it to the gym. However, he thinks it so hilarious that now it’s a must at every meal. My thighs are going to resemble elephant trunks soon. My phone usually starts buzzing with business e-mails as soon as I start my squats and have a jar and spoon in both hands. Since I pride myself on quick responses I add the phone to the mix. So I typically answer e-mails, while spoon feeding baby cakes. This usually results in lots of baby food running into the cheek since apparently I’m not very good aim when I’m not looking. This literally happened like three times in a row the other day. I just kept pouring baby food onto his cheek since I wasn’t looking. He finally laughed and I looked over and saw pear and avocado dripping off his cheek and onto his lap. Yup, Mother of the Universe!
Once the boys get home it’s a mad dash to get dinner on the table. The first thing out of their mouths as they walk in the door is, “Mom when is dinner ready? I’m famished.” (Yup they use big words) This is followed by, “In about 5 minutes…it just needs to finish up.” In which I get, “Ugh I’m going to die. They starve us at school.” I usually respond the exact same way (which makes them even more mad) “Perhaps you should call the Governor about the mistreatment in school and see what he says. Meanwhile, you need to take your famished belly and put your school stuff away.” I’m pretty sure they hate me in that moment but hey ya gots to have a little fun. 🙂
5:30 rolls around and the next hour or so is spent trying to keep Gavin awake. This involves lots of bouncing, twirling, rolling and stimulating. There is also a lot of crying and yelling…from him or me I’m not sure. The older two also decide this is the perfect time to show me their school work and have me sign papers. So I am bouncing Gavin, while signing Mason’s behavior chart, while Logan is asking me if we have 500 dixie cups for some project. This lasts about 2 seconds before Gavin is going for the pen (and succeeds) making a black line across the whole paper and then he decides that he is needing some more attention so starts yelling at the top of his lungs. This makes Logan mad because he thinks I’m not listening to the do or die need of dixie cups. I get Gavin in a new position and explain to Logan that I don’t own dixie cups, let alone 500, all while Mason starts freaking out because there is a “Horrible Line” on his behavior chart. “Mom, my teacher is not going to be happy.” This is when all chaos ensues.
Logan: “Mason stop interrupting.”
Mason: (completely ignoring Logan) “Mom, why did you mark on this? This is my behavior chart!”
Me: “Son, it was an accident. The teacher will understand.” “Logan, for the last time I don’t have dixie cups.”
Mason: Combusts into sobbing tears on the floor.
Logan: “Why is he crying? It’s just a line. Our whole project is ruined since no one will bring in dixie cups.”
Me: “Mason, there is no reason to be emotional.” “Logan I don’t want to hear anything else about dixie cups.”
Logan: Now joins Mason on the floor mad about the fact that the world is coming to an end because there are no dixie cups.
Jared: (who has been on the laptop on the couch the whole time) “What’s wrong with Gavin? Is he tired or something?”
Me: Giving him the death stare….
Jared: “Why are the boys crying?”
Me: Fire breathing out of my nose…..
Jared: “Boys go to your room and stop being loud!” “Give me the baby.”
Me: Hands him the baby where he continues to fuss and cry cause he really just wants to go to bed at this early hour.
Jared: “Why is everyone having meltdowns?”
Me: “I told you we should have had girls!”
I pretty much end every conversation like this. Haha
I finally put Gavin down around 6:30 and head to the gym. I get home around 8:15 and listen to Mason read a story which is often a lesson in patience itself….he is only in Kindergarten after all….but some nights I listen to him sound out the word cry for 15 minutes. AHHHHH!!! Then it’s kisses, hugs and a silent victory fist pump in the air for me….I survived another day! Gavin is still waking up in the night so my “silent night” doesn’t last long but for about 1 hour there is quiet, adult TV and couch time to be had…..even if I am half asleep through it all.
No matter how crazy it is….I really wouldn’t change it for anything. All this chaos goes by super fast and then a whole different type of chaos ensues. So I’m going to continue soaking up every single minute because as every mom knows….some day you’ll miss it.