Yesterday, we went to our local amusement park for some much needed rest and family time. We have been literally slammed with work which means all rest, leisure time and family time definitely takes a back seat to filling orders. So in pure rebel form we pulled the kids out of school and took a day for us to just be, breathe and enjoy each other’s company.
So what does this have to do with tears. Well the first thing we did was ride the biggest roller coaster they have. Logan has finally reached the height requirement and was super excited to go for the first time.
We got in, buckled up, I told him not to worry “Only a few people have died” and off we went. 😉
As we climbed up the hill in preparation for the ride I cried. Now let me clarify this wasn’t actual tears running down my cheeks crying…it was that “mom” cry….the one that forms the lump in your throat, stings the back of the eyes, and has your heart pouring with tears even though they don’t actually run down your cheeks. You may think I was nervous or scared of the big bad roller coaster…..but considering this was likely my 500th time to ride this ride…that was not the case.
An interesting thing happened as we climbed. I looked at the beautiful scenery spread for miles and so many thoughts hit me at once. Here was my first born son riding this huge ride and in the next 60 seconds he will have officially rode every single ride in this amusement park. I looked at his 8.5 year old little hands clinging to the handles….knuckles white….and all I saw was that little hand I held for the first time so many years ago. Those little hands that made me a mother. I couldn’t believe we were here….to this point where his feet are almost bigger than mine, he can have a real in depth conversation….and he is riding this “big boy” roller coaster. So my heart cried.
Then I remembered my first time riding the roller coaster many years ago. I’ve always loved roller coasters and I remember how excited I was. (Heck, I still get excited) I remember a girl, who was a great girl, but who had a lot of pain and frustrations. However, for that 60 seconds nothing else mattered but the wind on her face and the therapeutic scream you can only get away with on a roller coaster. Then I saw that girl many years later sitting next to her son and realized that she’s better now, she has overcome and while we all have struggles….very few are as lucky as she is now. So my heart cried.
Lastly, I thought about the people we’ve lost and these milestones that we don’t get to share. Logan doesn’t get to call his ZZ and tell her about riding Wildfire. I can hear the conversation in my head as if it has happened but it won’t. She is buried a few miles away from that amusement park and as we reached the top I saw the cloudless sky that stretched on and on. In that moment I thought of her and my heart cried.
A split second later we reached the top. Right before we plunged down the hills and on our way, I looked at that sweet boy who was so excited yet so scared, felt complete and utter peace, put my hands in the air and you know what….pure happiness flushed out all those tears. We flew and my heart was full yet again.
Through all your bittersweet moments don’t forget to smile and if you can ALWAYS fly.