No, I am not in labor or sitting in the hospital bed waiting to push. I don’t have a scheduled induction date or anything like that so don’t get too excited. I simply know that he will be here any day and since these things are always unpredictable I wanted to get this post done before he does decide to grace us with his presence.
I always spend the last month of pregnancy it a slightly reflective state. It’s always a weird feeling to know that you are days and weeks away from literally having a life changing moment. Once you bring a child into the world there is no going back. There is no return policy and life will literally never be the same. We have been a family of four for 5.5 years and so these reflections have been much different than with my other two kids.
I can honestly say that the moment is very bitter sweet for so many reasons. (More sweet than bitter…but you get the idea) So many things are different now than they were when I had Logan and Mason. I am 26 and not 18 or 20. I feel seasoned as a mom….more so than I did back then. I am now a business owner which takes so much of my time and dedication. We have 5.5 years of memories and trials that we will always have just the four of us. I have now gone through a pregnancy and will go through a labor without my mother n law. I will have a child who will have never known his ZZ yet two who were so close to her.
Now, this might seem like this paints a very sad picture but it’s not really sad. The joy you get from any child always outweighs any challenges they may bring. I now have two older boys who can help and truly take Gavin under their wing and show him the ropes. I won’t have to deal with the “empty nest” syndrome when Mason goes to Kindergarten this year which is sure to break my heart. We are looking forward to having another baby in the house that gets to experience all those firsts again. Those are truly the most precious of times. We get to raise another Boy who will hopefully turn out to be the most amazing of Men….which this world definitely needs more of. We will always have the memories and trials of our family of four but they have made us stronger and better prepared to expand our family and really relish in life and what it brings. And while Gavin will never know his ZZ physically, he will know her through her undying spirit. If there is anything I have learned in the past year, it’s that Sally lives in all of us who knew her. Little parts of her exist in all of us and I always feel like she is around in some shape or form. He will know her because her reflection is in our daily life. We will make it a priority to talk about her and show him pictures and live like she lived. So while it breaks my heart she won’t be there physically when he is born….I know for 100% fact she will be there in spirit. There is no place she would ever be except for right there relishing in the beauty of another grandson and laughing at the fact that we still “can’t get that girl.”
I am so blessed that I have been fortunate enough to have a healthy pregnancy and that I get to add another child to my life. There are so many who struggle every day and that is never lost on me. I know I’m lucky and fortunate and that I did nothing to deserve such an amazing group of kids. I also know that with such blessings comes a lot of responsibility. I try my best every day to be the best mom I can be and to raise good quality individuals. Although, I fail more times than not I know that these boys are mine for a reason and I will never, ever, stop being the mom they deserve. I am so excited for another life changing adventure and can’t wait to meet Mr Gavin and watch him grow. I know when I am leaving this earth I will look at my boys and know that my life was very much well lived.