This weekend me and a person very close to me were engaged in a mental boxing match. We were literally circling each other, both feeling sorry, but too mad to really admit it. I think we were both waiting for the other person to surrender but every time another punch would be thrown and we’d start all over. Eventually the gloves came off and the fight exhausted but this got me thinking. I don’t get into fights or conflicts very often and usually pride myself on such a feat. However, it seems like with all the added stress the past few months I am donning my gloves and standing in my corner just waiting to throw the first punch at anyone around. It’s a new feeling for me and not one I’m real comfortable with, considering I really don’t understand why I’m so prepped to fight all the time. To be honest I’m quite exhausted with it and am ready to run as far away from the boxing ring as I can. Some days my feet just feel glued to the floor and I feel my gloves have molded onto my hands.
I found this today and it inspired me to share all of this
In light of reading this a light bulb went off in my head. I have found another fault about myself that I hadn’t really seen before. I take a lot of people in my life for granted. I am very undeserving of the friends and the family that I have. Here I am, just a regular girl who is moody and impatient, often times lazy and discontent, and a girl just shuffling through life and breathing oxygen just to keep breathing and get through the day.
The people in my life deserve so much better than I could ever possibly give them yet every day I come home to a clean house, a cooked meal a text or a call from one of my siblings or parents and a big hug from my kids. While I used to be so surprised and thrilled when these things would happen, I realize now, I EXPECT them. I get dissapointed or irritated if they don’t. When did I become so demanding and so self righteous that I dare get irritated when there is no dinner prepared? My whole life I have lived not expecting anything to be handed to me. I’ve always lived knowing that nothing comes except through hard work and that you must be a good person to have good things happen to you. Sadly in the past few months I have lost sight of this. I have forgotten these truths that are the base of my being and the fiber that holds me together. What a tragedy I have done to myself.
After much self reflection I realize that I am surrounded by beautiful, large, rich and sparkling diamonds. I live a life that is so full of love and admiration. I am married to a man who sees me only for my goodness and beauty and not for my faults and scars. I have 2 boys who just see their mommy who feeds them, protects them and loves them despite the crazy work hours, falling asleep during play time and often the short temper. I have parents and siblings who are so proud of my accomplishments no matter how many times I have let them down, and who are always there for me no matter what the situation. I have 2 girlfriends who have stuck by my side since 7th grade and walked through fire and lightning with me. I have a best friend who has come into my life that has taught me patience, understanding and that I can do anything I set my mind too. All of these precious diamonds surround me without asking anything in return. They love me selflessly and without prejudice.
My months of collecting stones are over. I see the diamonds I was hoping to find are already here and have already been found. Now it’s my turn to be the diamond they all need in their life so that they can continue to shine brighter and fuller.
Hoping you all realize the value of those around you….
P.S. I want to send a shout-out to my boxing match partner this weekend for sticking it out and never giving up on me even when my punches were hard. As always, I owe you one!