Dear Adeline Rose,
If you ever came into existence this would have been the name we gave you. We both fell in love with the name Adeline a while ago and knew if we had a daughter this would be it. Rose has a special meaning for me. It’s my favorite flower, the first flowers my husband ever bought me, and your ZZ loved roses so it all fits perfectly. We would have messed up our name theme since your’s wouldn’t have ended in ‘n’ or had a greek middle name but we figured since you were the girl, you could be different.
I can picture you here as if you were standing before me. You’d have thick blonde wavy hair that you would someday hate me for before embracing it later on in life. Your face would be oval like daddy’s with killer cheek bones and a cute button nose. Your smile would be just like your daddy’s and you’d light up the room and flash it anytime you needed others to succumb to your will. Your eyes, though, would be all mine. Deep chocolate brown that would almost look black at night and shine with gold flecks in the sunlight. You would be kind and proper but stubborn, fiercely independent and spoiled. You’d be all girl but not afraid to be with the boys. Playing football with your brothers would be a nightly activity but you’d do it complete in a pink frilly dress and ballerina flats. If one of them dared pulled out your hair bow you’d punch them in the nose and then curtsy to prove a point.
Speaking of your brothers…..Adeline, here is where you would have lucked out. Logan would have made sure you were diligent in your studies and could throw a good spiral. You would spend the first part of your life proving to him that girls can do the same things boys do….and you’d succeed. Mason would be the sister you’d never have. He’d never be afraid to play barbies with you, or dress up as Elsa, or have tea parties with you just so you can smile and have a good time. Gavin would be your partner in crime; Helping you get into trouble, causing mischief but all the while taking the blame for most things. When you would have your heart broken you can bet Mason would be bringing you flowers and a shoulder to cry on while Logan was out beating up the cause of your broken heart and Gavin was standing by with ice packs to soften the blow. You could only end up with the best of husbands since no one less than that would get through the older three. Yes, you would be annoyed sometimes at your overprotective siblings but deep down you’d be so thankful for their love and dedication. Not just any girl is so lucky.
The biggest tragedy in you never existing is that there is one man you’re going to miss out on……Jared. This, my sweet girl, is a tragedy that I wish I could remedy. Any man can raise a daughter but it takes the most special of men to get it right. Since the day I met Jared I knew that if any man should be privileged enough to raise a daughter it should be him. He was raised by the finest of women and would have passed all of that on to you. He would have loved you fiercely and done anything to protect you. This would cause him to be overbearing at times but not smothering. His goal would have been to not just tell you what to do, or how to act but to show you by his own actions. When it came to dating you would have never heard him say “do this” or “don’t do that” or ” look for this” or “look for that.” No, he would have instilled in you enough self confidence, self worth, and love so that you could make the best decision for yourself. When things didn’t work out he would always be here in silence or in conversation….however you needed him. Adeline, you would have been the most luckiest of girls and forever shaped by the love of your father.
As for me, well you’ve been my dream since I was old enough to remember dreams. I’ve thought about you since I was a tiny girl myself. You were always in my future….until a few weeks ago when you weren’t. You’ve been with me through many dark times in my life. Whenever, things got rough I would always tell myself, “Don’t forget this feeling because someday when your daughter feels the same way you need to remember exactly how she feels,” or “Remember to tell your daughter that some day. She’ll really benefit.” It was little things like this that I’ve remembered and stored away for those moments I’d meet you. I knew we would have hard times, what mother and daughter don’t……but I was prepared to weather those storms knowing it was par for the course.
Maybe dreams don’t come true……but you weren’t my only dream. I’ve had many other dreams that have come true in the form of your brothers. They’ve changed my life in ways I never thought possible. They’ve made me better and stronger and so happy. The love I have for them means more than anything I could have dreamed up. I wouldn’t trade them for anything.
So while there will be small and brief moments in my life when I long for you, I won’t ever wish for you. If you were in existence I wouldn’t have one of my boys and like I said….I wouldn’t trade them. In most ways you are a figment of my imagination, a dream that I’ve held onto for so long and in many ways I love you like you were real and breathing. I thank you for helping me and being there for me when I needed you. Thank you for being the slow swimmer, knowing that you were not what I needed, but rather these 4 baby boys were exactly what I needed.
I know I will see you someday. You will not be my daughter and you may have brown hair instead of blonde and a different face. Maybe even blue eyes instead of brown but you’ll be here. One of my boys will bring you into the world and instead of calling me mom you’ll call me Grandma. You will be the light of me and your Grandpa’s life and we will truly know how lucky we are. One day when we are both gone our love will live forever through you and you’ll pay that forward for generations to come.
So, my baby girl, my daughter…..I promise you this. I promise to raise my boys so that they will be the best of men and the best of fathers. I promise to make sure your future daddy is someone you can always lean on, love and be proud of. I WILL NOT let you down and we will do everything in our power to get it right. In the meantime, I am going to say “See you later,” and enjoy the beautiful and full life I have without you.
Adeline Rose, I have loved you before you were even a possibility and I look forward to meeting you someday.