Today my Mother n Law (Sally) would have been 59. I can still remember the last birthday we spent with her just 4 years ago and boy does it feel like yesterday. I have written about her on this blog many of times. She is probably more famous on this blog than anyone else, but I always make sure I write about her when inspiration strikes.
For me, it feels like a way to connect with her or like she is communicating something to me and I need to write it down.
If anything, it’s a way I can continue to keep her memory alive for my boys who will someday pour over these pages and learn everything they ever needed to know. Words last a lifetime and it is my responsibility to preserve memories, through my words, for all those who come after me. So without further ado…
My Dear Sally,
I sit here, locked in my room, listening to the giggles of my kids in the other room. Logan and Mason are performing and making Gavin laugh while Boden rolls around like a ball on the floor quickly making it from one side of the room to the other. It brings a smile to my face because I can see it as if I am in there experiencing it for myself. Life really is like a Norman Rockwell painting, but I guess you already knew that.
I sit here and think how you had very similar memories at my age. How even in those last moments you smiled, remembering Ryan and Jared running around as little boys. How the sounds of their laughter and giggles filled your heart, like it does mine.
Parenting is hard. Being a mother is the most difficult thing I have ever done and being a mother of boys is exhausting albeit extraordinary. I often wish you were here so I could ask you questions about the boys.
“Do brothers that fight non stop really grow up to love each other?”
“Did you ever use the same bathroom as your boys?” (Cause I refuse)
“What’s the secret to raising good men?”
“Did you ever feel lonely being the only girl in the house?”
Your two boys speak to the phenomenal job you did and often I worry I will fail in that regard. I often worry I’m doing everything wrong, because let’s face it, I’m a girl…and girls are just different. However, I know you hear me. I ask you anyways, never expecting a response, but hoping for one all the same. Like if I put it out there I’ll find the peace I need… or the solution.
THANK YOU for all the times you have given me an answer, a sign, a little piece of hope. It’s made me stronger and reassured that what I’m doing at that time is correct, so thank you.
Today would normally be spent taking you out to dinner, opening a gift and having coconut cream pie for dessert. However, I have no doubt birthday’s are a little more exciting where you are. 😉 We miss you today …and every day. We miss your human form, the one who gave hugs, the one that laughed and the one who never doubted us.
However, we feel your spirit and we know you are here. I hear your laughter in our home, I feel your smile, I can see you shaking your head in giggles when the kids do something silly. I know a small tear forms in your eye when you see how big the kids are getting. But mostly, I feel your love every day. I know you look down and smile and feel “a job well done.” You were and still are an amazing mother. I am so blessed to be the recipient of your love, direction and care through your son. I hope I am half the wife he deserves.
So, happy birthday. May the sun and moon shine a little brighter in your honor today. May the world feel an unexpected calm and peace and love in their hearts in honor of you.
We love you and hope we have done you proud every single day.